Singing...

... for the graduates in Meralco Theather was so much fun! Why?

1. The grand piano was beautiful!
2. The acoustics of the place was awesome and so were the equipments (speakers, mic)
3. The seniors/graduating batch were so excited for their last performance in the choir. (boo hoo, they're leaving us. The graduates consisted more than half of the choir)
   
4. I had an excuse to shop for a black dress.
5. I'm singing with my friends.
6. I got appointed as an officer.
7. We have help (vocally) from the younger batch (Thank you so much, i hope you will keep singing with us!).
8. Our trainer/conductor was as strict as he was fun to be with.
9. I have no idea how to put on make up but my friends expertly applied make-up on me.
10. I knew a lot of people graduating and it was fun to cheer for them as they got on stage for their diplomas.
11. No one fell down the stairs.
12. Free dinner! The food was delicious.
    

I Really Was Studying...

... i just did it in Tagaytay.
It's been a fun adventure. Today has been a blast! Spending a day with friends at a new place with a great view was the perfect way to have fun and to study at the same time. We had an awesome ride, a long and eventful trip, witty conversations, quotable quotes, a cool corner for studying, and a great time.
I'm glad i allowed myself to go with the flow, overcome some fears, just sit back and let things fall into place. I am at peace with myself today.

Remnants of First Love

Let him go.

No!

Why not?

Just because.

You don’t love him. Why do you still want to hold on to him?

Because he loves me. He’s always been in love with me.

He’s pined for you for years and you’ve treated him like dirt.

Yes, I’ve been mean to him, scorning his love because he wasn’t cool enough.

He’s found someone who wants him. Set him free. He used to be a music box, all sweet and gentle songs.

Now he’s just a silent, broken piece of wood. I did that, I’ve broken his spirit.

Yes, you did. Being with you has turned him into a ghost of his old self. Why do you hold on so tight to something you’ve never wanted in the first place?

Because she wants him! She wants what’s mine. He’s mine! He’s mine because I am his first love.

That’s childish. You’re holding on to him not because you want him but because you don’t want to lose what’s yours to someone who wants him more than you do.

But it feels nice to be loved and adored. And he’s not complaining.

Yes, being loved and adored is a nice feeling. But the best feeling is when the one you love reciprocates your love. If you care about him even a little, let him go.

It’s not that easy. I’ve been used to having him around.

Habit. It’s just your excuse. A weak one at that. Set him free. You’ll both be better off. Loving you ruined him. Give him up. Let her fix him, your broken music box.

Fear of the Unknown

The spaces in between

The lapses of silence

Sometimes scare me.

I’m not good at subtle

Tell me, talk to me

But I am afraid

Of knowing, of the reality,

Of change, of things yet to come,

Of what I have to hear.

I am such a coward.

I've Just Turned 24!

Birthdays and more

It’s my birthday week! *giddy* BUT it’s also my hellweek.

Why the hell? Because it’s the week for make-up classes, specifically, conflict of laws. We’re having 8 hours of grueling recitations in 3 days. The assurance of having been called for recitation last year did not stop my heart from palpitating during class. Added to that was our other usual subjects to study for.

By Wednesday night, it was exhausted to my marrow. Thursday was March 6, *tada* my birthday! By 12 midnight, my phone was ringing and text messages were pouring in. *giddy with joy* My roommates who were playing computer games with me didn’t even have a clue! Ehehehe When I woke up, messages were still coming in and I was constantly talking to someone on the phone. My roomies finally realized that it was a special day and organized a small house party. Wow! I really don’t have organizational skills whatsoever so I let them. Cut my class, cleaned the house, organized our stuff, washed the laundry, and changed the sheets and covers.

I went to class bombarded with greetings. I don’t like being the center of attention but I secretly adore it. I hate it when the class sings “happy birthday” because I turn so red, but I secretly love that they remember my birthday and are trying to make an effort to care.

I was still buying grocery at Rustan’s when Ces called me asking me where I was.

“I’m at the grocery,” I replied.

“What time will you be back?” I heard the urgency in her voice. Hmm, something was wrong.

“After around 15 minutes,” I said.

“What?! [long pause] Um, you have to go home. We’re, uh, outside your unit waiting for you. We knocked but no one answered. Hurry back, we’ll be waiting outside.” She hung up.

I got home as soon as I can. And viola! They were right outside my unit, dejected and slumped on the couch. It was the funniest sight I’ve seen that day! Apparently, they wanted to surprise me with flowers...

and candy-sprinkled, candle-covered choco marshmallow cake. The candles melted but the big grin on my face remained.

I couldn’t ask for better friends.

Thank you so much. Ana, Ces, Chinky, Chris, Eunice, Hazel, Jo, Leah, Melodie, Patty, and Yoyen. It’s another great birthday with you girls.

The Nota Concert...

... was a definite high.
The 2 weeks of endless and tiring practice was worth it. My throat burned like i've swallowed pure acid but I was soaring with adrenaline rush.
Last Saturday, we held a concert for 3 of the law school orgs - Forte (for the bands, rockers, and musicians), Salsa (for the dancers), and Choir (for the singers) at Blue Leaf, Fort.
From morning until the last possible minute, we were practicing, rehearsing, reaching notes and matching tempos. And then the night began. I wish I had some way to record the whole thing because it was one of my best experiences ever. The noise, the panic, the touch-ups, the curtain calls, the numbers, and the awe and shouts from the audience. Everything seemed like a blur now and pretty soon, i'll forget all about it. But it's been three days, and I still feel the high it gave me. I love it! This is the feeling that I want to keep for awhile longer even when i can't remember everything and everyone that night.

Suddenly I was feeling depressed

It’s been a very heavy week. Everyone has felt so tired. I feel worn out, so sleepy all the time. I never seem to be prepared for class; I space out a lot; I miss out on things; I haven’t had a relaxing day with friends. I’m just so tired all the time.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one. My friends seem to feel it too, this heavy feeling that’s been floating over our heads this week.

I’ve had to cry over the past couple of days just to get it out. It’s probably due to stress. The Nota Concert is a week away and we haven’t polished any of the songs yet. I don’t even know all the songs. The choir has been practicing practically everyday for the past week and it’s eaten up my study and sleep time. We have a new internet connection that has driven us to the point of distraction. I’ve had exams to finish, cases and books to read and thesis outline to defend. The block has been a mess since Patty left. It’s gotten worse over the past month and this week, it’s simply toxic. There are just too many issues, most of which I don’t understand. Sometimes, I don’t understand how other people react and how they think. It’s getting harder to wake up and go to school, knowing that at the end of the day, I’d be dead tired and frustrated.

The Fair

Yesterday was somehow a break in the tiresome routine. Finally, weekend has arrived. Saturday started out with a class, a long lunch with Mel and Ces, choir practice, mass, again choir practice, and finally, the UP Fair. Choir, although a lot of fun, sometimes eats most of my time. Yesterday it ended late, hence, Mel and I met up with the rest of the gang late for the UP Fair.

I rode with Patty and Mel on the way to Diliman and we got “caught” by the mapsa in J.P. Rizal. The police gave out some lame excuse like low headlights. I just wanted to get away from it all. Poor Patty was begging the police not to issue a ticket. I should have known it, they just wanted money. We finally got to UP and parked our cars.

We already bought tickets but the line leading to the entrance was a claustrophobic’s nightmare. *ehem ehem, by the way, I am claustrophobic* I do not like to be in enclosed places and the entrance was the one place I dreaded to be in. We were not only pushed around by the crowd; we also got harassed by the people behind us. *grrr grrr* I have never seen so many goth, emo, ghetto, nerd, and plain weird gathering of teenagers. Thank God for backstage passes. A senior friend of a friend who was the drummer of Sunflower Day Camp got us in. *big thank you* Finally, we got in! *hurray*

We ate shawarma rice and rodicks. After a long chat over dinner, we made our way back to the backstage when we heard the said band begin to play. There a bit of a setback when we were not allowed in but (knowing my friends) we were able to convince the bouncers to let us back in. *phew* We picked a great spot and had fun. And we had a lot of fun!

I miss these “reunions” with my friends. This year, it’s been few and far in between so I’m going to enjoy them as much as I could. Too bad the night had to end. Next time ulit! Happy anniversary to us, girls! Good thing we didn’t get into another accident this year.

Thank God for friends

It's Feb 14, Valentine's Day.
Paaaakkksshhhheeeeeettttt!

It's been a hell of a day. Slept at 3 am due to Evidence case digests; woke up late naturally; hence, grumpy morning *monster me*; made (more like crammed) Legal Forms petitions; printed everything; ran out of ink; took a 5min bath 30 minutes before class; ran, yes, literally sprinted up the hill to school; on the way i met my oh-ever-so-early-never-late professor who i strongly dislike at the moment (it takes a lot to get on my bad side... or maybe not! gut instinct); found out that half of my classmates had a self-declared freecut which increased by chances of getting called for recitation (i have not even opened my damned book and i have no idea what to discuss); had to muddle through class "issues" and getting coffee; a late lunch; froze my ass in the "winter wonderland" auditorium for 2 hours and mostly pinched myself awake; had a good laugh over someone falling off his seat backwards, dragging down the seat beside him as well; early dinner with friends and talked about the "issue"; went over to Starbucks (got my 2nd planner from Cam, the barista) and made the take home exams; dropped by Good Earth (yes, the singles table was quite drunk by then); tried to comfort a crying friend who really just wanted to vent (i'm so sorry i'm not the best person to talk to right now since i'm cranky and borderline apathetic); went home; ranted; and now blogging.
There... that just about sums up my Valentine's day. I'm beat. I'm glad it's over. I'm so looking forward to the weekend. I need a long, restful sleep, a long shower, good food, and a super sweet dessert.

Last Chance

Look back, she thought.

Call out my name, he thought.

The silence was deafening, broken only by the sound his footsteps. He took one step. One step towards the door. One step farther from her. Two. Three.

It was a game they played. How far can he go without looking back, without missing a step. How far can she let him go without her asking him to say, without her calling his name.

He was at the door, reaching for the handle.

Dammit, stay, she wanted to say.

He sighed. She held her breath.

“I’m leaving,” he said without turning back. The knob clicked as he opened the door.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Tears started to cloud her vision.

“I know. I am, too.”

With that he left. He left her. The room smelled of sun-kissed flowers.

Damn her pride. Damn his weakness. Damn it all, love is bittersweet.