Silently, I Love You

I love you.
I love you really.
I can’t say it but in jest or with great embarrassment. So just like me. Prideful and annoyingly proper.

I silently say it, you know. In my mind, I can hear myself say it.
I love you.You’re not here to hear it.
More than I can say with words, I love you.

But I have a peculiar way of expressing it. I’m sorry. You will probably never hear it from my lips.

I love you. It’s a little too late, but I love you. I really did love you.

It hurts still, the agony of losing you. I lived my life taking for granted that eventually I’d take care of you as you took care of me. We made plans; plans that I would someday hope to fulfill – even without, because we made them. Because I promised.
The wretched grief. When will cease?

Happy Birthday. Rest in peace.