Cerulean Ciphers

Miss You Still

2010-09-11T21:05:00.004+08:00

It has taken me two and a half years to accept the fact that you've passed away. I think it'll take me a little more time to let go.

I still cry when I think of you. I secretly open your closet to let your scent permeate the air in your bedroom as I inhale deeply. I still wear the pajamas you sew for me, old and tattered they may be.

I still miss you, Tita.

Selfish

2009-12-02T21:02:00.002+08:00

I am praying for a miracle. Hoping. Wishing.

Every time I think about it, I feel like crying. I can sympathize with Jacob when he told Bella that every beat of her heart is precious to him because it is numbered.

If I am being selfish these days, it's because I am trying to cope.

Movie list

2009-03-09T22:11:00.002+08:00

I love watching beautiful and amazing movies. My favorite ones are those that either make me gape and say "oh, wow!" or ones that make me reflect.

No, big guns and ear-splitting booms and bangs never make a movie great for me. Hot men or cute boys? Well, perhaps, it helps to have a hottie or two in a great movie. Amazing effects and cinematography are more like it. Again, "amazing" doesn't entail being loud (e.x. Hero, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon).

Another requirement: it should touch my heart. No need to be sappy romantic (nothing romantic in White Oleander or Europa, Europa). No need for torrid kissing. In fact, Il Mare doesn't have a kissing scene (they never even got to hold hands).

I'm not even a fan of classics. Film Noir, Humphrey Bogart, Clark Gable all drive me to boredom. Nothing is more cheesy than watching two leads embrace cheek to cheek while facing the camera.

The only scene i remember about Breakfast at Tiffany's is Audrey Hepburn munching on a sugar-free baguette in front of Tiffany's. I fell into a dreamless slumber as I watched Sleepless in Seattle. I cried tears of boredom when I accompanied a friend to watch a Meg Ryan film, the title of which I cannot even remember.

Winning an Oscar award is hardly a criterion to be in my list. Most of those the movies that I adore are not even in English (Heavenly Forest, Be With You, Waterboys, Shadowless Sword and Shinobi are a few).

I'm more into the subtle, beautiful films that leaves an impression on me.

I'm being a brat

2009-03-09T21:57:00.003+08:00

...and I hardly seem to care.

I will, however, regret this later. Hopefully, much much later.

Right now, i'm still acting like a brat.

I recently reorganized my DVDs and VCDs collection due to an attack of OC-ness. To my exasperation, I'm missing several much-loved movies and series. Drat!

I know I'm being a big pain, but really, I'm damning every fiber of my friendly-ready-to-lend-out-my-collection self. I remember each and every one of those i've lent out and i'm wishing them back.

Drat, darn, and damn. If only i've lent out the ones i'm not going to miss.

Playlist

2008-11-27T22:11:00.003+08:00

I have a weird taste in music. No, i'm not into the screaming-your-lungs-out punk rock music. Rather, i'm very random.

From Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies to Carlos Santana, from Much Ado's Sigh No More to L'arc en ciel's Flower, from Chris Brown's Forever to DBSK's Mirotic, from Gregorian Chants to Utada Hikaru.

I switch genres constantly in the same random way my mind works.

An online friend once asked me what makes a song great. All songs are great. It's just that i listen to the ones that catches my attention at that moment.

When watching dramas or movies, i'm sometimes more interested in the song playing in the background than in the scene itself. e.g. There's a scene in Grey's Anatomy (which i barely remember) where McDreamy reconciles with Merideth. It was supposed to be a sweet scene but all i remember is the song in the background, Fool's Gold by Adrienne Pierce.

Right now, I'm into this Korean band that sound so jazzy, Clazziquai. Dance a.k.a. Hold Your Tears has been playing in my head for a while now.

Hold your tears [English Version] (춤 / Dance) - CLAZZIQUAI PROJECT

What catches my attention? Unique blends of instruments, a catchy tune, a good voice. Guitars are what makes me listen to most rock songs, a unique guitar rift. The first 15 seconds are the most crucial for me. A song that makes me stop whatever i'm doing and listen is a must-have for me.

Set Up

2008-11-17T23:31:00.002+08:00

Chinky: [while i was applying powder in front of the mirror] Jo, gusto mo iset-up kita ng date?
Me: Ibili mo na lang ako ng aso.
Chinky: [laughing]Huh?! Bakit naman?
Me: Aso na lang or puppy kung ang hanap mo ay unconditional love and undying loyalty.

Puppy Love

2008-11-04T22:15:00.000+08:00

He stared at me with adorable puppy eyes, a soulful brown. He was full of curiosity, like a hound sniffing everything. He won my heart the first time he fell asleep in my arms.

His name is Matt. Well, he’s a mutt. A very curious puppy to be exact. Caramel brown with a black beauty mark on his cheek. He came home with Papa a week after I arrived home. I never expected to fall in love with another dog after my own “baby” died a year ago, he was 14. But, I guess, love for the furry creatures is something that’s in my blood (which I share with my maternal lolo).
It’s been so long since I’ve had a puppy. I grew up with puppies all over the place. I never realized how much I missed holding a sleeping puppy in my arms until Matt fell asleep waiting for the rain to stop. It’s a very maternal feeling, the gentle cuddling of something so soft and small. It’s like this small, innocent little creature trusts you with his life as he lays absolutely defenseless in slumber.

Home

2008-11-04T22:08:00.000+08:00

Wearing an oversized P.E. shirt (from high school), my brother’s shorts, and my father’s rubber tsinelas which was a few sizes bigger than my feet with chopsticks holding my hair in place, I felt absolutely at ease as I walked down the streets. I had no money in my pocket, no cellphone; I wore no jewelry, no make-up or powder and still I felt wonderful. Ah, there’s no place like home.

Courage...

2008-10-16T01:44:00.003+08:00

... is the one thing that I need most right now. As the days go by to the moment I face another monster in my life. I know my faith will waver, leading me to question things that I don't have answers to. Yet the coward that I am, I'm deliberately prolonging the agony, deliberately forgetting, desperately wanting to forget. The clock ticks. The hands keep moving. Trickling down to the day I face one of my worst fears.

The beauty of stress and school is that they keep you from thinking of things other than what needs to be done right at that moment. The endless studying, cramming, and note taking keeps the mind off things that the subconscious ponders. School is a wonderful excuse of forgetting. It has become my escape.

Unfortunately, stuff that I've outrun are catching up to me. School has ended for the meantime.

I have no excuses left. No more pretenses. No more dreaming. I just wish that the pain will be dulled soon. I just wish that I can soon look back and smile fondly at the hazy, dreamlike memories.

Santong Dasal

2008-10-07T02:58:00.003+08:00

A message from God:
"No man can ever claim you unless he claims you from me.
I reserved a man for you who has my heart and loves me even more than he will love you.
I won't give you unless he asks you from me.
Soon, you will know him, I have the perfect time.
You're my princess, my daughter.
Let no prince claim you unless he asks you from my hand...
For I am your Father, the King of kings.
You, my princess, are worth loving."

Puzzling

2008-10-06T20:19:00.004+08:00

One of my many fascinations are puzzles. I discovered it in college. My LS project/group thesis in college involved puzzles. We made a business out of making and selling puzzles. I fell in love with puzzles. No, not the jigsaw 1000 piece puzzles. The wooden brainteaser types.

As I am in the middle of my study break, I find myself thinking of wooden puzzle boxes. I'm dreaming of a house of puzzles. Puzzle doors and puzzle furnitures. What fun it would be if a guest couldn't find his/her door! Metal puzzles for faucets and light switches, wooden box puzzles for cabinets and knick knacks, assemble/entanglement puzzles for table tops and puzzles for place mats and rugs.

I've always loved solving puzzles. My favorite movies include Da Vinci Code and National Treasure. But more than the knowledge, I love keeping secrets. Puzzles are great secret keepers. I adore the wooden resolute desks in National Treasure 2 and I plan to have one built when I'm able to afford one.

Recently, I have a fascination for Japanese wooden puzzle boxes. Clever and functional. Beautiful artwork and incredible craftmanship.
To see what I mean, check out this site: http://stores.brilliantpuzzles.com/-strse-Wooden-Puzzle-Boxes/searchpath/34343082/start/13/total/81/Categories.bok
Also this one: http://www.cleverwood.com/japanese_artists_price_list.htm
I'm into brass/metal puzzles as well: http://puzzlemuseum.com/month/picm08/2008-01-sun&moon.htm

Hiding Behind My Book

2008-10-06T19:53:00.002+08:00

One of my most embarrassing moments of this semester happened a few hours ago.

I was in the throes of panic, to my defense, since i was seriously cramming my way into reading the Revised Penal Code. I forgot where i was supposed to be seated in the room. I was "bullying" (<-- according to Ces, which i absolutely deny) another person into leaving his seat. We had to confirm the arrangements from the proctor. Of course, I insisted that i was seated in that area. To my utter mortification, i read the seat plan wrong! Darned that teacher's table. He was, in fact, where he was supposed to be. I was the one usurping his seat. Grreeeaaatttt... Right, i really needed that extra embarrassment on top of my last minute cramming. Fortunately, he's an acquaintance and the story turned out really funny when Euns was telling it, especially when he was with his blockmates in the next bench in McDonald's.

Ugh, it was still embarrassing, however. This leads me to conclude that i've started several friendships this way. 1.) I fought over a front row seat with Quino in Economics in college and we later became friends; 2.) Sao, our new blockmate, took my seat (it's where i usually seat in class where i'm surrounded by friends) and I had to get it back by coming early and taking my seat back. Well, Sao seems to have forgotten the whole thing and we've become friends since then. So, i guess, I'm going to become friends with him as well. Hmmm, my methods of finding friends really are unique!

Skipping September

2008-09-06T00:02:00.004+08:00

It's September = it's hell month.
Impossible but i wish i could just skip september and get to october now... look back from where i am in october, and wish i could return to september to correct all mistakes. impossible but i still wish it so.

But the good thing that September brings are birthdays and Gossip Girl's season 2.
I've just finished watching the first episode and i'm going gaga over Lady Gaga's Paparazzi song. I'm also going all kilig over Chuck and Blair.

Favorite scene:
Blair: [waiting in the front lawn for her date's car]
Chuck: [comes up behind Blair]
Blair: Chuck, aren't you done trying to destroy my night?
Chuck: Look, i should never have abandoned you. I knew i made the wrong decision as soon as your plane took off. Distracted myself all summer and i wouldn't feel it but i still do.
Blair: And?
Chuck: I'm scared... I'm scared that if we spend the whole summer together, just us, that you'll see.
Blair: See what?
Chuck: Me.
Chuck: Please don't leave with him.
Blair: Why? Give me a reason. And, "I'm Chuck Bass" doesn't count.
Chuck: Cause you don't want to.
Blair: [shaking her head] Not good enough.
Chuck: Cause I don't want you to.
Blair: [still shaking her head] It's not enough.
Chuck: What else is there?
Blair: The true reason i should stay right where i am and not get in the car. Three words, eight letters... Say it and i'm yours...
Chuck: I... I...
Blair: [pulls her hands away] Thank you. That's all i need to hear.

The Perfect NBSB Song

2008-08-14T00:46:00.002+08:00

I love the lyrics, it's the perfect song for me and my roomies.
Unfold - Marie Digby
what i can remember
is alot like water
trickling down a page
of the most beautiful colors
i can't quite put my
finger down on the moment
that i became like ... this

you see, i'm the bravest girl
you will ever come to meet
and yet i shrink down to nothing
at the thought of someone
really seeing me
i think my heart is wrapped around
and tangled up in winding weeds

but i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
someone else my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will bare it all.. watch me unfold
unfold

these hands that i hold
behind my back are
bound and broken by my own doing
and i can't feel
anything, anymore
i need a touch to remind me
i'm still real..

my soul
it's dying to be free
i can't live the rest of my life
so guarded
it's up to me to choose..
what kind of life i lead.

cause i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
someone else my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will bare it all.. watch me unfold
unfold

i will allow someone to love me
i will allow someone to love me...

love me.. love me...

What Makes Me Sad

2008-08-10T22:43:00.002+08:00

Feeling alone in a sea of people. A lost pet. Being left-out by my friends. Dying alone. A missed opportunity. A look of contempt. Dirty bathroom. A hungry stray animal. Wounded looks. Harsh words. Door slamming in my face. Missing her, my yaya and her calling me “Ging”. Death of a loved one. Being sick and not being able to eat chocolates. Waiting for someone who wouldn’t come. Withering flowers. An empty room. Good byes. The sounds of a broken sob. My bestfriend leaving. Failure and disappointment. A touching song. Fighting alone. Rejection. An unkind thought. Meeting a snob. Too much happiness. Losing faith. The story of star-crossed lovers. A blatant lie. Losing a dream. Falling for the wrong reasons. Forgetting.

Last Night’s Girl Talk

2008-08-10T22:39:00.001+08:00

One of my roommates is mulling over her status with her boylet. As we sat on the bed in our pajamas, we talked about her boy and our non-existent love-lives. We are obviously strong women and we’ve established that we want stronger men in our lives, the ones who can withstand us and our harshly driven and competitive world. Yet, we seem to attract the opposite kind.

As I look back, I realize that I attract the edgy, clingy, emotionally-tormented, needy ones. Is it because I am strong that I attract the weak (for the lack of a better term)? Typical "opposites attract" theory. It’s an unfortunate fact that what we want and what we have are two different things. What do you do? Do you try to “want” what you “have” or do you set aside what you have in continued search for the one you want?

Bragging Rights

2008-08-10T22:37:00.000+08:00

I received a text message from a friend basically telling me that the last of our grades came out and we had to check them online as several of us failed. With great trepidation, we went back to school, beating the library’s closing time by a few minutes in the hopes of online access.

As we waited for the webpage to load, I uttered a last minute prayer that neither I nor one of my friends failed. Euns got hers first, safe! Ces was next, safe! My heart was palpitating louder by the second. Panic doesn’t make me graceful at all as I clumsily logged-in. Euns smacked my lightly as she told me that I had no reason to panic. I didn’t fail. Far from it. We were looking at one of my best grades.

I swore them to secrecy (hopefully, they’d keep it within our group of friends) because I was afraid. I hate bragging. I hate making public any of my accomplishments, a habit that they found strange.

I would have wanted my friends to know but those particular grades were controversial because I wasn’t one of those expected to top it. It would have been fine had everyone else gotten the same grades but some of the best ones barely passed. I don’t know what I’ve done right but I’m not going to question it. It was an unexpected gift. I’m accepting it as it is and passing it on to my parents.

Cloying Sweetness

2008-08-10T22:35:00.000+08:00

I watched as she approached the couple sitting on the table beside me. She smelled of floral shampoo, floral lotion, and floral perfume – all sweet and gentle from afar. As she sat several chairs away, her scent floated towards me. Cloyingly sweet. Unbearably overpowering. Heady. I wish she’d go away soon, I thought as I furtively covered my nose.

Sundays and Coffee

2008-08-10T22:28:00.002+08:00

It was an adorable afternoon at Starbucks. An elderly man sitting far across me was napping with mouth wide open while his middle-aged companions were quietly reading the papers. He awoke when his daughter (I think) nudged him awake with a question.

A little earlier, I left my jacket on one of the tables, intending to reserve that table. Upon my return from ordering my drink, however, I found a man with a screaming yellow shirt and a very out-of-bed hair style sipping mango juice on my “reserved” table. Very weird man. He placed my jacket on the seat. As I got my jacket and transferred to the table in front of him, I was quietly wishing some very mean things upon him, like indigestion and hair loss.

Unable to open my laptop with its non-existent batteries and nowhere near an electric outlet, I read the papers. The yellow man reached for a newspaper behind me. He was, however, obviously either extremely bored or his mind wasn’t really into reading the Sunday paper because he was staring at a space on his left as I watched him from the corner of my eye.

All around me, people are either leisurely waiting for the hours to pass, fathers lounging around waiting for their family, children running around, worried nannies running after their wards while the mothers chatted, students studying, a few others, like me, typing away.

Such a quaint afternoon. It was, all in all, a relaxing Sunday afternoon as the elderly man slipped back into a light snooze.

The Snotty And The Simple

2008-08-10T22:14:00.000+08:00

I was walking down the corridors of Powerplant mall yesterday when I encountered a group of young adults loitering around. I glanced at them, a clique of rich kids. Nothing unusual as Powerplant is the mall of choice of the upper social class. They were all dressed in the same way. All made-up and snottily cracking each other up, wearing fashionable clothing, dirty sneakers, and aviator sunglasses. Very cliché, I thought. Every one of them reminds of a peacock. All puffed-up and pretty, with a pea-sized brain and an Almighty-me attitude.

I went to Market Market shortly after that. Surprisingly, as I was eating my very late brunch at a fast food joint, a group of young adolescents walked in. Females, this time, all model-thin and walking the walk. Brushing past by, they sat down directly in the table beside mine. They then proceeded to chatter away, pretty rouge-tinged lips pouting, legs dangerously exposed by shorter-than-short shorts as they sat crossed-legged. I knew they were, obviously, not as rich as the ones I saw earlier, but the same feeling permeated from them – that of a peacock spreading its colorful tail to outdo others and attract potential mates.

Amazing how snottiness can transcend social class. All deliberately pretty façades yet I don’t remember any of their faces.

Hide Me

2008-08-07T00:23:00.003+08:00

I'm like a tightly closed bud of a flower,
hidden layer by layer of wonderful surprises.

I'm beautiful, I'm brilliant, I'm funny and witty, I'm fragile and sweet, I'm vindictive and loyal, I'm sensitive, I'm a complete enigma. And I'm hidden. Hidden from you and everyone else.
Find me... like I found you - unpolished, rough diamond beneath a pile of fool's gold.
Discover me... like I discovered you - slowly and with great enjoyment as i watched you shine.
Cherish the moment you uncover me like a child who eagerly opens his present on christmas morning.

I am hidden so you can find me.
Find me soon for I am buried beneath all pretty baubles and trinkets.
Hopefully, you are not blinded by all the glitter and sparkle for I am plain and dull.
When you find me at last, do not lose sight of me.
I am hard and edgy from the hiding. If you treasure me, polish me with care until at last I shine like a tear from your eye. And I will be yours forever.

Happy after once upon these days

2008-08-06T00:24:00.004+08:00

Needing the diversion of a "feel good" movie after weeks of depression bouts, I watched several movies including the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I find myself once again drawn to the songs. "These Days" by Chantal Kreviazuk (Leaving on a Jet Plane, that Chantal) struck me. It eloquently and beautifully conveyed what i'm feeling. I need my bestfriends. I miss them. I want to say these very lines, "Make me a storybook and write me away from here I need a different now." If that were possible, I'd wish for a different now. And i'm certainly willing to "lend you my tears
if I could borrow your smile."
I remember that we used to be that for each other, shoulders to cry on, staunch defenders, loyal-to-a-fault friends, keepers of our hearts, sisters of choice, bestfriends for life. I miss them and days, long ago, when we were carefree enough to believe in "happily ever after." If i could bottle up those years of blissful youth, i would have drunk myself to oblivion with those. To friendship...

What's this life anyway
What's it to you and me
What's it to anyone
Who are we suppose to be

Make me a storybook
And write me away from here
I need a different now

Where we can
Wear each other
For a while and I'll lend you my tears
If I could borrow your smile
And we'll get through tomorrow
Some other day
Happy after
Once upon these days

There's four roads to anywhere
Four ways to everything
We were unbreakable
We spoke our destiny
Lets take a moment now
Oh and go where we never go
Lets make a new world now

Where we can
Wear each other
For a while and I'll lend you my tears
If I could borrow your smile
And we'll get through tomorrow
Some other day
Happy after
Once upon these days

Then one day we'll find
when we're looking back at this time
Wondering how we've come so far
From this and when we close our eyes

What's this life anyway
What's it to you and me
What are we doing here
And who are we suppose to be

I'll take a better world
Oh I'll take anything
I'll take our a little world now

Where we can
Wear each other
For a while and I'll lend you my tears
If I could borrow your smile
And we'll get through tomorrow
Somehow today
Happy after
Once upon these days
Once upon these days
Once upon these days

Not my Song

2008-07-31T12:54:00.003+08:00

A friend asked me to look for this song. I listened to it but it's not me. I, however, would like someone to sing me this song.

On The Side of Me - By: Corrinne May

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
On the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
But you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
On the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me

Silently, I Love You

2008-07-14T23:58:00.003+08:00

I love you.
I love you really.
I can’t say it but in jest or with great embarrassment. So just like me. Prideful and annoyingly proper.

I silently say it, you know. In my mind, I can hear myself say it.
I love you.You’re not here to hear it.
More than I can say with words, I love you.

But I have a peculiar way of expressing it. I’m sorry. You will probably never hear it from my lips.

I love you. It’s a little too late, but I love you. I really did love you.

It hurts still, the agony of losing you. I lived my life taking for granted that eventually I’d take care of you as you took care of me. We made plans; plans that I would someday hope to fulfill – even without, because we made them. Because I promised.
The wretched grief. When will cease?

Happy Birthday. Rest in peace.

Every Time I Think Of You, I Die A Little

2008-05-29T19:54:00.003+08:00

Last night, I was worried. Tita Fil, my yaya, was hospitalized. She was suffering from diarrhea, dehydration, and severe leg cramps. My father, my Tiya'y Tin, and our neighbor Joy Joy went with her. I was frantic when my mom told me this. She said not to worry because she was ok, just low potassium.

5:30 this morning, i woke up to the buzzing ring of my cellphone. My mother was crying on the other line. At first I couldn't understand what she was saying. But her tone, her crying, the panic in her voice told me the one thing i never wanted to hear. "Ta, wala na si Filma. Wala na si Tita mo Fil." Everything else was a blur of sounds and anguished cry. My mind couldn't seem to function. I was in shock. I knew what was happening, I knew i should feel something, do something. But I seem to have lost myself. Lost all kinds of thoughts, lost all kinds of feelings. I couldn't even cry a tear.

I got up, went to the bathroom, drank water from the mug, sat down. There was an awfully empty space. I felt like i was living a nightmare. I knew it was happening but i couldn't seem to wake up. Like i was trapped in another body, the only thing i could do was stare into space.

I did my laundry. I tried thinking of her, tried squeezing out a tear. Nothing. Just numbness all over. I got out my laptop and researched for my thesis. I remembered hearing my mother saying something about me going home to see Tita for the last time. I debated whether it was worth it, not finishing my thesis and going home to attend the wake.

I stared for hours on end at the computer screen until my roommates were up. I was just quietly watching the screen. Not a word, not a glance, nothing. Today was the mass for the repose of Tricia's dad who died on monday. I thought, "I should go to mass. I should also offer a mass for Tita's soul."

So i went to school, telling my roommates on the way there what happened. I went to Garyn's office, then, to Fr. Lito's office to give her Tita's name. I wrote on a small piece of paper: For the repose of the soul of Filma Villan. I went and heard mass.

I ate lunch with friends at the caf. They were jolly and laughing. I couldn't even swallow my food. I could barely move my limbs; i felt so very heavy. I tasted nothing.

When i got back to LSAC, i received a call. My mother was crying again. This time, i cried with her. She told me that Nino went to Tita's room (the room i shared with her) and Tita only kissed him. I told her that I couldn't go home. I can't. I can't see Tita lying there and pretending that she was asleep. I can't bear it. I have never been fond of looking at anyone's remains. I talked to my wawa, i told her the same thing. By that time, i was bawling in the hallway, uncaring who walked by. She told me that all Tita wanted was to see my graduate. She wanted to come to Manila for my grad, to slaughter all the livestock she raised to prepare the dishes for my grad party. She wanted to see me pass the Bar. She wanted to... There was so many things she wanted to do for me and for my brother. Wawa and i cried. Papa talked to me, told me that Tita never expected to die. Her blood sugar was 270. Her lower legs were in paralysis. She couldn't feel her legs. The last thing she said was, "To Periong, habuli man bi tiil ko kay katugnaw gid. Habuli liwat kay natugnawan ko." She never expected to die. She called for a hilot yesterday. Instead of getting better, the blood clots went to her heart. She died 5am today.

I don't want to go home. There won't be welcoming hugs from her, no welcoming kiss, no welcoming dish, no welcoming surprise stuff she'd bought for me. No, I am not going to see her for the last time. I would rather remember her alive and well. My last memory of her will be her wishing me a safe trip back to Manila after a hug.

She was my bestfriend. My first one. My second mother, my playmate. She was my secret-keeper, my secret-giver. She quarreled with me; she made me understand; she taught me my values. She was the mediator when i quarreled with my parents or with wawa. She'd make my pajamas, mend my clothes, make my favorite dishes. She'd encourage me, dissuade me, and persuade me. She'd spoil me and she'd take my side. She left all hopes of having her own family and stayed with us. I will miss her terribly.

There are so many things i've wanted to say to her. Thank you. I miss you. Stay, don't leave me. I'm sorry. Happy Birthday. Happy Mother's Day. I love you.

Tears are running down my cheeks, my running nose is making me breathe through my mouth.
I feel nothing. Just a deep unfathomable void where my heart should have been.

Twix

2008-05-24T14:16:00.003+08:00

I've been craving for Twix Caramel Bars since it's been unavailable in the local market. I've looked everywhere and nothing... So i was kind of depressed and in search for a substitute to satisfy my sweet tooth.
When Ces got back for enrollment, she went to school looking for me and Mel. Grinning, she handed me a bar of Twix. "Pasalubong ko sayo," she said.
OH MY GOSH!
My face went all slack and erupted into a great big smile.
THANK YOU!
Moments like these are precious to me.

The Baguio Adventure

2008-05-08T22:15:00.008+08:00

April 28-30, 2008
Baguio Trip - Melodie, Patty, Hazel, Ana, Pepe, Joan, Arman, Leah & Meliecar
The Plan was set, the invites were out, the rsvps were in, the accomodations were ready, and the fun awaits. Thanks to Arman we had a very comfortable RV for our transpo. Thanks to Patty, Pepe, and Arman we had skilled alternate drivers for the uber long drive. Thanks to Pepe we had super affordable accommodations at the NFA Staff House.

Day 1:
Lunch at Tokyo Tokyo, PowerPlant by 1pm. Left for Baguio by 1:30pm. The drive was long and exciting. I got the best seat because i'm car sick during long drives. Arrived at 8pm. Late dinner at SM, Baguio. Had chicken sisig shared with Lec. Arrived at the NFA Staff house by 9pm. The van slipped while going up the side of the mountain to our cottage, which made all the girls scream like, well, girls. We immediately got down from the van only to be greeted by pitch black night in the middle of the forest. Made our way to the cottage only to find out that there was a stair pathway on the other side. Pagkatapos ipilit iakyat ang van! Sheesh, we could have parked the van below and trekked up. Scary cottage, scared occupants! Not every one had a good night's sleep. Dawn brought the much awaited sunlight to chase away the bad dreams and the ghosts of the night.

Day 2:
Breakfast at Ganza Restaurant, Burningham Park. Toured the park, sipped on strawberry taho and took pretty pictures. Went to Wright Park, watched the horses (and smelled them, too!), climbed the stairs.
Went up, and up, and finally reached the top. Stopped at The Mansion and took crazy, wacky pictures. Trekked back down to Wright Park.

Lunch at Little John's, Camp John Hay. Made our way to Mines View and Good Shepherd for a pasalubong shopping spree. Rode on towards PMA. Went up the tree house, watched the trainees doing drills and running around, climbed tanks, took funny pictures.

Dinner at Don Henrico's. Went to the grocery for late night snacks and a bottle of Tequila Rose.

Day 3:
8:30am. Breakfast at Jollibee. Went to La Trinidad, Benguet. Tasted Strawberry ice cream, wanted to pick strawberries, bought strawberries and veggies. (Strawberry fields forever)

We climbed our way up (while counting 230 steps to the altar) to the Lourdes Grotto in Benguet. Had lunch @ Dencio's, Camp John Hay after we played in the playground.
Went down from Baguio via Kennon Road. On the way home, we decided to visit Manaoag. We asked intervention from the Lady of Manaoag. I was trully awed by its beauty and sanctity.
With pouring rain, bumper-to-bumper traffic, and impending sunset, we went home to our normal everyday lives. The adventure may have ended but the memories (and the pictures) are beautiful reminders of forged bonds and shared joy.

Singing...

2008-04-27T21:16:00.002+08:00

... for the graduates in Meralco Theather was so much fun! Why?

The grand piano was beautiful!
The acoustics of the place was awesome and so were the equipments (speakers, mic)
The seniors/graduating batch were so excited for their last performance in the choir. (boo hoo, they're leaving us. The graduates consisted more than half of the choir)
I had an excuse to shop for a black dress.
I'm singing with my friends.
I got appointed as an officer.
We have help (vocally) from the younger batch (Thank you so much, i hope you will keep singing with us!).
Our trainer/conductor was as strict as he was fun to be with.
I have no idea how to put on make up but my friends expertly applied make-up on me.
I knew a lot of people graduating and it was fun to cheer for them as they got on stage for their diplomas.
No one fell down the stairs.
Free dinner! The food was delicious.

I Really Was Studying...

2008-04-07T01:22:00.004+08:00

... i just did it in Tagaytay.
It's been a fun adventure. Today has been a blast! Spending a day with friends at a new place with a great view was the perfect way to have fun and to study at the same time. We had an awesome ride, a long and eventful trip, witty conversations, quotable quotes, a cool corner for studying, and a great time.
I'm glad i allowed myself to go with the flow, overcome some fears, just sit back and let things fall into place. I am at peace with myself today.

Remnants of First Love

2008-04-03T00:32:00.002+08:00

Let him go.

No!

Why not?

Just because.

You don’t love him. Why do you still want to hold on to him?

Because he loves me. He’s always been in love with me.

He’s pined for you for years and you’ve treated him like dirt.

Yes, I’ve been mean to him, scorning his love because he wasn’t cool enough.

He’s found someone who wants him. Set him free. He used to be a music box, all sweet and gentle songs.

Now he’s just a silent, broken piece of wood. I did that, I’ve broken his spirit.

Yes, you did. Being with you has turned him into a ghost of his old self. Why do you hold on so tight to something you’ve never wanted in the first place?

Because she wants him! She wants what’s mine. He’s mine! He’s mine because I am his first love.

That’s childish. You’re holding on to him not because you want him but because you don’t want to lose what’s yours to someone who wants him more than you do.

But it feels nice to be loved and adored. And he’s not complaining.

Yes, being loved and adored is a nice feeling. But the best feeling is when the one you love reciprocates your love. If you care about him even a little, let him go.

It’s not that easy. I’ve been used to having him around.

Habit. It’s just your excuse. A weak one at that. Set him free. You’ll both be better off. Loving you ruined him. Give him up. Let her fix him, your broken music box.

Fear of the Unknown

2008-03-29T02:54:00.002+08:00

The spaces in between

The lapses of silence

Sometimes scare me.

I’m not good at subtle

Tell me, talk to me

But I am afraid

Of knowing, of the reality,

Of change, of things yet to come,

Of what I have to hear.

I am such a coward.

I've Just Turned 24!

2008-03-29T02:39:00.006+08:00

Birthdays and more

It’s my birthday week! *giddy* BUT it’s also my hellweek.

Why the hell? Because it’s the week for make-up classes, specifically, conflict of laws. We’re having 8 hours of grueling recitations in 3 days. The assurance of having been called for recitation last year did not stop my heart from palpitating during class. Added to that was our other usual subjects to study for.

By Wednesday night, it was exhausted to my marrow. Thursday was March 6, *tada* my birthday! By 12 midnight, my phone was ringing and text messages were pouring in. *giddy with joy* My roommates who were playing computer games with me didn’t even have a clue! Ehehehe When I woke up, messages were still coming in and I was constantly talking to someone on the phone. My roomies finally realized that it was a special day and organized a small house party. Wow! I really don’t have organizational skills whatsoever so I let them. Cut my class, cleaned the house, organized our stuff, washed the laundry, and changed the sheets and covers.

I went to class bombarded with greetings. I don’t like being the center of attention but I secretly adore it. I hate it when the class sings “happy birthday” because I turn so red, but I secretly love that they remember my birthday and are trying to make an effort to care.

I was still buying grocery at Rustan’s when Ces called me asking me where I was.

“I’m at the grocery,” I replied.

“What time will you be back?” I heard the urgency in her voice. Hmm, something was wrong.

“After around 15 minutes,” I said.

“What?! [long pause] Um, you have to go home. We’re, uh, outside your unit waiting for you. We knocked but no one answered. Hurry back, we’ll be waiting outside.” She hung up.

I got home as soon as I can. And viola! They were right outside my unit, dejected and slumped on the couch. It was the funniest sight I’ve seen that day! Apparently, they wanted to surprise me with flowers...

and candy-sprinkled, candle-covered choco marshmallow cake. The candles melted but the big grin on my face remained.

I couldn’t ask for better friends.

Thank you so much. Ana, Ces, Chinky, Chris, Eunice, Hazel, Jo, Leah, Melodie, Patty, and Yoyen. It’s another great birthday with you girls.

The Nota Concert...

2008-02-26T23:52:00.002+08:00

... was a definite high.
The 2 weeks of endless and tiring practice was worth it. My throat burned like i've swallowed pure acid but I was soaring with adrenaline rush.
Last Saturday, we held a concert for 3 of the law school orgs - Forte (for the bands, rockers, and musicians), Salsa (for the dancers), and Choir (for the singers) at Blue Leaf, Fort.
From morning until the last possible minute, we were practicing, rehearsing, reaching notes and matching tempos. And then the night began. I wish I had some way to record the whole thing because it was one of my best experiences ever. The noise, the panic, the touch-ups, the curtain calls, the numbers, and the awe and shouts from the audience. Everything seemed like a blur now and pretty soon, i'll forget all about it. But it's been three days, and I still feel the high it gave me. I love it! This is the feeling that I want to keep for awhile longer even when i can't remember everything and everyone that night.

Suddenly I was feeling depressed

2008-02-17T02:39:00.003+08:00

It’s been a very heavy week. Everyone has felt so tired. I feel worn out, so sleepy all the time. I never seem to be prepared for class; I space out a lot; I miss out on things; I haven’t had a relaxing day with friends. I’m just so tired all the time.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one. My friends seem to feel it too, this heavy feeling that’s been floating over our heads this week.

I’ve had to cry over the past couple of days just to get it out. It’s probably due to stress. The Nota Concert is a week away and we haven’t polished any of the songs yet. I don’t even know all the songs. The choir has been practicing practically everyday for the past week and it’s eaten up my study and sleep time. We have a new internet connection that has driven us to the point of distraction. I’ve had exams to finish, cases and books to read and thesis outline to defend. The block has been a mess since Patty left. It’s gotten worse over the past month and this week, it’s simply toxic. There are just too many issues, most of which I don’t understand. Sometimes, I don’t understand how other people react and how they think. It’s getting harder to wake up and go to school, knowing that at the end of the day, I’d be dead tired and frustrated.

The Fair

2008-02-17T02:26:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was somehow a break in the tiresome routine. Finally, weekend has arrived. Saturday started out with a class, a long lunch with Mel and Ces, choir practice, mass, again choir practice, and finally, the UP Fair. Choir, although a lot of fun, sometimes eats most of my time. Yesterday it ended late, hence, Mel and I met up with the rest of the gang late for the UP Fair.

I rode with Patty and Mel on the way to Diliman and we got “caught” by the mapsa in J.P. Rizal. The police gave out some lame excuse like low headlights. I just wanted to get away from it all. Poor Patty was begging the police not to issue a ticket. I should have known it, they just wanted money. We finally got to UP and parked our cars.

We already bought tickets but the line leading to the entrance was a claustrophobic’s nightmare. *ehem ehem, by the way, I am claustrophobic* I do not like to be in enclosed places and the entrance was the one place I dreaded to be in. We were not only pushed around by the crowd; we also got harassed by the people behind us. *grrr grrr* I have never seen so many goth, emo, ghetto, nerd, and plain weird gathering of teenagers. Thank God for backstage passes. A senior friend of a friend who was the drummer of Sunflower Day Camp got us in. *big thank you* Finally, we got in! *hurray*

We ate shawarma rice and rodicks. After a long chat over dinner, we made our way back to the backstage when we heard the said band begin to play. There a bit of a setback when we were not allowed in but (knowing my friends) we were able to convince the bouncers to let us back in. *phew* We picked a great spot and had fun. And we had a lot of fun!

I miss these “reunions” with my friends. This year, it’s been few and far in between so I’m going to enjoy them as much as I could. Too bad the night had to end. Next time ulit! Happy anniversary to us, girls! Good thing we didn’t get into another accident this year.

Thank God for friends

2008-02-15T00:22:00.003+08:00

It's Feb 14, Valentine's Day.
Paaaakkksshhhheeeeeettttt!

It's been a hell of a day. Slept at 3 am due to Evidence case digests; woke up late naturally; hence, grumpy morning *monster me*; made (more like crammed) Legal Forms petitions; printed everything; ran out of ink; took a 5min bath 30 minutes before class; ran, yes, literally sprinted up the hill to school; on the way i met my oh-ever-so-early-never-late professor who i strongly dislike at the moment (it takes a lot to get on my bad side... or maybe not! gut instinct); found out that half of my classmates had a self-declared freecut which increased by chances of getting called for recitation (i have not even opened my damned book and i have no idea what to discuss); had to muddle through class "issues" and getting coffee; a late lunch; froze my ass in the "winter wonderland" auditorium for 2 hours and mostly pinched myself awake; had a good laugh over someone falling off his seat backwards, dragging down the seat beside him as well; early dinner with friends and talked about the "issue"; went over to Starbucks (got my 2nd planner from Cam, the barista) and made the take home exams; dropped by Good Earth (yes, the singles table was quite drunk by then); tried to comfort a crying friend who really just wanted to vent (i'm so sorry i'm not the best person to talk to right now since i'm cranky and borderline apathetic); went home; ranted; and now blogging.
There... that just about sums up my Valentine's day. I'm beat. I'm glad it's over. I'm so looking forward to the weekend. I need a long, restful sleep, a long shower, good food, and a super sweet dessert.

Last Chance

2008-02-12T19:28:00.000+08:00

Look back, she thought.

Call out my name, he thought.

The silence was deafening, broken only by the sound his footsteps. He took one step. One step towards the door. One step farther from her. Two. Three.

It was a game they played. How far can he go without looking back, without missing a step. How far can she let him go without her asking him to say, without her calling his name.

He was at the door, reaching for the handle.

Dammit, stay, she wanted to say.

He sighed. She held her breath.

“I’m leaving,” he said without turning back. The knob clicked as he opened the door.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Tears started to cloud her vision.

“I know. I am, too.”

With that he left. He left her. The room smelled of sun-kissed flowers.

Damn her pride. Damn his weakness. Damn it all, love is bittersweet.

Of Mangas and Mangakas

2008-02-12T19:14:00.000+08:00

I miss ranting and raving. I miss being tackless and blunt. I’m exhausted and sleep-deprived, cranky and overly patient. (something so abnormal about me: I really am patient when I’m feeling odd) Blame it on the monthly cycle pains and the not-so-over exams.

I’m obsessed with manga right now, an obsession I share with my college friend Richard. I love reading manga for some time now. Lately, I’ve been reading a lot more and craving (to the point that I spend a whole day in internet shops and bookstores reading manga). I’ve met Onyxangel, an online friend who shares my obsession. Her comments amuse me to no ends and her recommendations are smack perfect. She introduced me to the works of Hino Matsuri, MeruPuri or Marchen Prince. One word: kilig. The characters are interesting, the story is quaint, and the drawings are beautiful. I have to applaud the mangaka, her works are utterly beautiful. I love the way she draws, perfect lines and symmetry, lovely scenery and astig costumes and the characters – beautiful! I’ve always been a fan of guys with lovely eyes and androgynous features. When I saw her male leads, I just had to stop and stare, more like ogle. How I wish they were real!

Another mangaka with beautiful characters is Miyagi Riko, I’ve seen only a few chapters of her work but I’ve stared at it for minutes at a time. I love the way she draws the eyes, conveying emotions with just the eyes. Her script is heart-meltingly sweet as well.

But I guess I still love Nana the most; it wasn’t my first manga but it is my first love. Ai Yazawa is the mangaka. Plus, Nana has been turned into anime, which I found so cute, and 2 movies! *clap clap* The first movie featured one of my favorite Jap actresses, Aoi Miyazaki, the theme song was written by my fave Jap rock artist, Hyde of L’Arc~en~ciel, and had the best parts of the manga in it. I’m digressing! ^_^ I’m such a fan. Back to my point… I love the story! It moved me to tears of joy, triumph, frustration, and helplessness; it had me cringing in embarrassment and kilig; it had me crazy in love with her cute drawings; and it thoroughly converted me to rock and roll goth. The mangaka is a great story teller to the point that I couldn’t stop reading till my eyes hurt.

Hisaya Nakajo with her Hanazakari No Kimitachi E also gave me shivers of utter kilig.

My recent read is Yuuki Ryou’s Shinigami Lovers. I’m a fan of the supernatural and this really does it for me, a mortal girl and a death god. It’s not as well drawn or as heart-wrenching as the other mangas but it’s turning out pretty okei. I'm looking forward to the new chapters and the new characters.

Bathroom, Ice cream, and Cake

2007-09-28T23:25:00.000+08:00

I have never before cried in a public bathroom until last night. It was weird, like i wanted to cry my heart out but i couldn't. The girls in the next stall might think that i'm a crying ghost or something. But i was really sad so i cried as quietly as i could. *hikbi hikbi*

The reason? Mutya was leaving for the States with her hubby, JP. I was going to have a despidida dinner with them, her brothers, and Meryl (Moo). Moo was also leaving for Singapore for training. Both left early today, around 8 - 8:30am. I was hoping i'd get to Trinoma on time but the class (stupid! why didn't i just skipped class?! my stupid conscience was telling me to stay in case there'd be recitation) ended later than usual. I knew I was going to be late. I hurriedly ran out of class to look for a taxi. Every taxi that passed wouldn't take me there because of the traffic. I called Mutya but her battery was dying. I called Meryl. She told me that i couldn't make it. They're leaving early because of their early flights. Mutya was leaving her phone with her brother. I was planning on catching them at the airport. It turned out, they're flying from different airports! There was no way I could find them if they didn't bring their phones.

I was so frustrated! It was Mutya's last night here and I can't see her. The last time we got together was bitin. I was going to give her a gift for her birthday (Sept 26). I was going to take lots of pictures for keepsake. I was going to give a lot of bilins. *hiccup* I was going to cry, right in the middle of Powerplant. I ran to the bathroom and the tears wouldn't stop dropping.

By the time Patty found me, I was in desperate need of cheering up. I ate ice cream cake at Press and I ate a lot! Eat to your heart's content. Drowned my frustration in choco-mint gelato.

I went to Starbucks to wait for Patring's birthday. I needed to compose myself before I joined them next door at Good Earth where the party was on full blast and the beer was flowing. I didn't want to ruin the mood with my being sad. I waited for midnight (Sept 28) and bought Patring a mini-cake. I transferred to Good Earth with my little gift and was pleasantly surprised when the deliriously happy Patring gave me a great big hug for being the first person that night to give her a gift. I was so touched at how much she valued my simple offering. She shoved me a bottle of beer and we all toasted. Thank you, Ces, sa pagsalo sa akin sa beer! I've never liked the taste of beer and I appreciate the effort.

Midnight came and the big crowd that gathered for Patring's birthday bash cheered aloud. I think we occupied half of Good Earth and made all the noise. Then her Human Rights friends came with her gift box. It was literally a big box filled with various gifts which took a month to prepare. It was filled with a scrapbookful of greetings and wacky pictures, a Red Ribbon cake, a fishbowl with live koi fishes, a Panatang Makabayan shirt, and a whole lot more. The birthday girl was in tears as she hugged people while still clutching my little cake. She finally relinquished the cake in exchange for the bowl of fishes. We ate the cake, took lots of pictures, hugged a lot, made a lot of noise and filled her box with more signs and greetings. I regret that we had to leave earlier than everyone else because we had to study for the next day.

The night didn't turn out so bad. I even forgot to be sad for a little while. I even laughed and smiled a lot for the pictures even if my eyes were red and my face was splotchy. I was glad I went to Patring's birthday bash.

Happy birthday to Patring Cervantes! I'm so glad I met you. I'm so glad you're my friend. Patring, i know we're trying to make up for this birthday since you didn't get to celebrate last year due to Milenyo. *smiles evilly* But there's another typhoon coming. I think you're birthdays attract a lot of things, including typhoons. Good thing we celebrated before the hard rains hit.

Free Hugs (I Hug You!)

2007-09-28T22:49:00.000+08:00

This is the cutest post card Patty and I saw yesterday at Fully Booked. It was very fitting for me because I was feeling down. On the back of the card, it says:

HUGS...
Hugging is good medicine. It transfers energy, and gives the person hugged an emotional boost. You need four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, and twelve for growth. A hug makes you feel good. The skin is the largest organ we have and it needs a great deal of care. A hug can cover a lot of skin and gives the message that you care. It is also a form of communication. It can say things you don't have words for. The nicest thing about a hug is that you usually can't give one without getting one.

Author unknown

It was very clever. It made me wonder whether I lacked hugging since I didn't seem to grow (vertically, emotionally, etc.). Hmmm... I need a hug!

Shared Solitude

2007-09-24T01:23:00.000+08:00

I was down. I felt so depressed, I was in need of solitude. I went to the bookstore to read a novel, as I always do when I feel like this. A new book from a favorite author! I sat in the two-seater cushion and started reading. You sat beside me. My bag filled with books between us. I didn't notice you at first, I was so engrossed in my book. I read my book, you read yours. You stood up and left. Still I didn't give much notice. You came back with a new book. The cushion dipped as you sat. I glanced at you, you seemed to be as engrossed as I was with my book. I move around in my seat, you didn't seem to mind. You got up to find other books, I didn't mind. Three hours, we sat beside each other in comfortable silence. I finished my book and felt so much better. I didn't want to leave, but my friends are waiting. I didn't want the comfortable way we sat to end. Because it made me peaceful, this shared silence. I didn't ask your name, you didn't ask mine. I got up to leave, the cushion shifted. You glanced at me. Sorry I have to leave.
Thank you. You might not know it but you made me feel better. You were a steady presence beside me. Thank you for sharing my solitude.

What Makes Me Happy:

2007-09-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

A cheerful smile or greeting from a stranger
A big hug from a friend
A great conversation
Laughing my heart out while hanging out with my friends
A sincere and unexpected compliment from someone i look up to
A phone call (plus, i like hearing my ring tone) ^_^
Eating a fave dish
Cuddling a fluffy something
Holding hands
Sitting back to back
Sharing food (weird habit from college days, eating from someone else's plate)
Meeting new friends
Renewing bonds with old friends
Sitting in the prayer room
Singing with other people (i joined the choir, finally had the courage)
A good cry
A good recitation
Adrenaline rush
A beautiful song (will share in a bit)
Ice Cream

three of the songs that tops my playlist right now: (i have copies, will share if you ask nicely ^_^)

Hana (flower) - by Orange Range

This one is the theme song in the movie "Ima, Ai Ni Yukimasu" (Right Now, I'm Coming to be With You) aka "Be With You." A touching movie from the writer of Heavenly Forest, Ichikawa Takuji. The next song is the theme in the drama version of the same book. I like both versions even if critics say that the drama version was dragging. Hmmm, I probably like it because it stars Hiroki Narimiya, who i find adorable.

Kizuna (Bonds) - by Orange Range

Oh and they used a traditional japanese stringed instrument. A beautiful mix of the traditional and the modern. I think i'm starting to get attached to this band!

Rain of June - by Hu Ge (i couldn't find a better radioblog version so here it is, youtube version) I'm super in love with this song.

The Weekend After Cramming

2007-08-26T19:14:00.000+08:00

Saturday was awesome all in all. I woke up super late because of a great chat and a view of the rising sun. I promised Ana that we'd watch Evan Almighty and we did. I cried, i think. I thought it would be a no-brainer sequel to Bruce Almighty but it wasn't. It was pretty touching, actually. Loved the animals. Loved "the dance." After the movie, we went to Starbucks to study for a while. Went to mass at 5pm. Ate dinner at Press Cafe. Went to the Bar Operations closed-door meeting in school at Justitia. Sneakingly left the meeting to eat pizza right outside the room. ^__^ *yum yum* Went back to Starbucks to study again. *nerd*

Sunday was even more fun! Met up with my high school besties, Mutya and Meryl aka Moo, at Edsa Shangri-la. Ate lunch at Cravings. The salad bar was *love*. Not that i ate any veggies, but i adore the eggs, pineapple, and onions. >.< style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">*slurp* we pigged out like we always do when we're together. walked around a little and talked a lot. i honestly miss my high school days. it was so normal for us to do this. i felt like i stepped into a time machine that propelled me back to the past. it was a nice feeling. like time never moved forward with the way we are. we are still the same yet i knew that we've changed so much. i never wanted the day to end.

I treasure days like these. Days when i feel so free and loved. Days when all i think about is how to have fun with people i love. I look forward to more of days like these.

Rollercoaster of emotions

2007-08-26T02:18:00.000+08:00

I thought i'm past the stage where i can stay up for 24 hours and still function normally. Guess i'm wrong. Patty and i went to her house in BF Homes, Paranaque for an overnight cramming session. Ana tagged along to do some cramming of her own. Hauling our books and laptops, we braved the traffic to Paranaque. Amazing how much work can be done when we're cramming! Thesis deadlines, studying for the elective subjects, memos, and retainer agreement.

As a result, i was super cranky by the time we reached school on Friday morning. *scary* More cramming had to be done and we barely made it in time for our practical midterms for legal counselling. What cheered me up was a comment from the professor that I could be a good fiscal in the future and a high grade to boot. I was so physically drained but also psyched up that i couldn't keep still enough to study for my next class. Hence, my recit was awful! I barely had anything substantial to say. After the endorphines and the blushing shame wore off, i had to drag myself home a precious few hours of sleep. *snore*

I really did intend to go my last class. *nod nod* I set my alarm and it went off. But, darnit, snoozing was such a great idea at that time. *guilty* By the time i finally decided to wake up, i lost the will to attend class. I ended up going to the mall to wait for my friends. By then i was a bit refreshed and willing to take on another all-nighter.

And all-nighter it was. Meeting up with Pa St for a bonding session was on top of my to-do list that night. As always, we ended up chatting, laughing, sharing, and getting to know ourselves up to the wee hours of the morning. One funny moment was when my roomie, Chiqui, went home and locked the door after passing by us. Kamusta naman ang nilock ako sa labas?! Hahahaha. Good thing she woke up to unlock the door for me.

I love mornings and sunrises. Most people think i'm more of a night owl because i tend to stay up late. But i really love watching the sunrise. Refreshing. Like forgiveness just dawns on you. But it's a sight i seldom get to see. Thank you for the sunrise.

A Day With My Best Friend

2007-08-22T00:44:00.001+08:00

I’m writing this while listening to Hyde’s Shallow Sleep.

Yesterday was an eventful day. Woke up feeling refreshed, watched a couple of episodes of Japanese jdoramas, ate pizza for lunch and texted my high school best friend, Mutya, if she was free. She agreed to come to Powerplant with her brother. *danced with joy* I finally get to hang out with her (our attempts to see each other was foiled by the typhoons). Spontaneous works best with us, proven and tested. I toured her and her little brother, Tim, around the mall and shopped. We finally got to talk and just hang out. She treated us merienda while dinner was on me. All in all, it was a great way to catch up. But it was bitin. I felt like I wanted to tell her so many things but I didn't have enough time.

She’s the kind of person who’s genuinely adorable. And I love her. Being with her for the past 18 years is such a blessing. One I often take for granted. I often think that she’s been the glue to our barkada, the mom/ate, the joker, the most friendly, the most beautiful, the practical one, the dependable one. But she’s leaving. Leaving for the States. To be with her husband. The reason she’s here in Manila was to get her visa. She’s here to chase her dream. A fairytale love story, a fairytale wedding with hopefully a fairytale ever after.

I should be happy. I am happy for her. But the selfish little child in me is crying. She’s leaving. Leaving us. She is the last constant reminder of my high school life. Life as I know it will soon change. I fear that change. I might not handle it was gracefully as I can. Without her, we might break. Without her, we might forget the “us” that we once were. I pray for the strength to keep our friendship.

“To where has love gone? Will I ever reach it? The Cape of Storms echoes the pain I feel inside.” – The Cape of Storms by Hyde in Kagen No Tsuki

I realize that the past trials that almost broke us apart was cushioned by her presence. She is the healer of broken hearts and broken spirits. With her help and her constant presence, we found forgiveness and a sense of peaceful acceptance. More trials loom, threatening to break the mended bonds. Distance. Change. Adulthood. I pray for a stronger love. I pray that 10 years from now, we can look back chuckling over our own foolishness and baseless fears. I desperately wish for that future because I am afraid of the present.

“Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me.” – Leto, Children of Dune

Dahil Masaya Ako...

2007-08-16T21:31:00.000+08:00

... (^_^)

It's been a week of lounging around. The solitude I've wished for after the midterms was granted with the continuous typhoons. I've spent my waking hours alone and doing things I've wanted to do [slept the days away, chatted with some friends abroad, did errands, watched all my favorite jdoramas]. Today, I wanted that solitude to end. I needed company, the face-to-face kind of conversation, the smile on a friend's face, the warmth of another's friendship. So I met up with friends.

I had a movie-and-dinner-with-friends night. I went with my friends to Starbucks Block 9 and discussed some school stuff. Rach wanted to watch a movie which Ana and I planned to watch with Euns. Kaso, nag-last full show sila ni Quani last night [hmp! nang-iwan! ;p] Good thing nagyaya si Rach. And so we watched... A Love Story. Yes, the one starring Maricel Soriano and Aga Muhlach. And we watched it at Powerplant with a full-packed cinema. Ika nga ni Euns, "huwag i-underestimate ang powers ni Maricel and Aga." True enough, the cinema was full with people of all ages. On my part, I watched it to confirm who the querida was. [i knew it! we've had a long dinner conversation over this issue: Maricel or Angelica] It was a beautiful twist to the film. I also liked how it ended. It wasn't the ending that I envisioned but I liked it nonetheless. It's an Aga classic. In fairness, Aga's pecs and abs were defined!

After the movie, we went back to Starbucks to meet up with the nerdy bunch (the ones who stayed behind to study/chat/surf the net). Rach decided to treat us dinner and drinks at Good Earth. Thank you, Rach! Advance Happy Birthday (Aug. 22)!

Tarot Talks

2007-08-02T02:17:00.000+08:00

I'm sleepy now but i'm all smiles. A boring day ended with a blast. What i thought would be an earlier cap to my study night turned out to be a father-daughter bonding + bunch of friends = fun.

Thank you, pa st: for coming all the way to rockwell to talk with me and getting lost on the way, for sharing with me, for meeting my friends, for making me feel good as always. I always feel that i've never thanked you enough. Spontaneous tayo!

The night started out with the usual dinner and starbucks study session. A friend decided to drop by and catch up. We went to Good Earth to talk and catch up. I sorted out the tarot cards that i liked and began telling the story behind the card, analyzing it with my friend.
1 text message received. "uuwi na kami qtr to 12. " So i went back intending to get my stuff. Friend: Alis na kami in a while, kung gusto mo kunin mo na stuff mo sa car para maiwan ka na kasama friend mo. Me: Ok, cge. Kwentuhan lang kami dun at tarot.
Tarot. Hearing the word perked them up, all of them suddenly wanted a tarot reading. Nagkahiyaan pa, isa isang pumunta sa Good Earth to meet my friend. Eventually, inuman na. Chill out before midterms.

I never really mix my social circles. I keep my high school friends from my college friends and my college friends from my law school friends. I compartmentalize. Probably because in each circle i am different. I am the me who they think i am. Sometimes, the me that they need me to be. Tonight was a first. A college friend hanging out with my law school barkada. I found out that it was actually fun. An exception to my general rule.

We never really know how things turn out. Every human act changes an outcome. There is a thing called fate but a single human will can alter it.

Guardian Angel

2007-07-31T12:37:00.000+08:00

This song is called Guardian Angel by Hong Jun Yang. I fell in love with while watching Angel, I love you aka PS i love you.

Last night was a blast! the last "inuman" before midterms. Patty, Rach, Eunice, Sam, Maj, Chris, Dae, Ces, Hazel and I (after a grueling day of studying) decided to have a midnight "break" from being nerds. Leaving our books at Starbucks, we went to Good Earth and drank.

Eunice: There's nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward. After all, it's still your foot.

un na! Thank you, girls, for a great great end to a boring day!

Right now, i'm off to Starbucks to study. I needs lots of luck next week for midterm exams.

Angel I love you...

2007-07-29T01:56:00.000+08:00

One of my favorite scenes...

Roy went to get a drink for Tammy and was gone for a long time. Walking back to Tammy...
Tammy: [irritated] Stand there and don't follow me. [walks away]
Roy: [obediently stays where he is while people pass by him in the middle of the path]
After a while, she sees him still standing where she left him and feels sorry.
Tammy: Why are you still here?
Roy: You told me to stand right here.
Tammy: Are you stupid or what?
Roy: I am stupid. That's why i made you angry.
Tammy: I'm very domineering, right?
Roy: [shakes his head]
Tammy: I get angry over trivial matters. It's not too late for regrets now.
Roy: I have no regrets.
Tammy: I get angry over trivial matters.
Roy: I'll keep quiet and wait for you to finish throwing your tantrums.
Tammy: I'll run away too.
Roy: I promise you that i'll stand here and wait for you.

Roy: [after drawing on her apartment wall a cartoon of their wedding] Do you like it?
Tammy: [nods and smiles]
Roy: Besides being your guardian angel, i would like to spend the rest of my life with you.
Tammy: Why should I promise you?
Roy: Because I don't know who else to love except you. You're very important to me. I'll always care for and protect you. Wherever you are, i'm always only a turn away... so that you can see me easily.

and he died. She waited for him, not knowing that he died. She waited for him to come back. And he did in the form of an angel, pushing her to find happiness in the arms of another man.

How sad. (T.T) But i'm such a sucker for tragedies and one-time-big-time love. It's exactly my kind of movie.

A Rainy Saturday

2007-07-29T00:49:00.000+08:00

It started out my usual Saturday - a whole day of leisure and net-surfing, went to mass with my roomies, and planned to study at Starbucks. Unfortunately, the looming rain decided to pour [and i mean POUR down right after mass, may kasama pang thunder and lightning (T.T) which i absolutely dread]. Ces, eunice and i were trapped and stranded in school along with those who had no umbrellas (Rihanna's song comes to mind here. Ela, ela, under my umbrella). After their round of yosi, we decided to brave the weather and go to Market Market! [ kyaaa! *grins with anticipation* another spontaneous adventure about to begin...]

Dinner at Oody's [ugh, my burger steak has veggies in it *pukes*]. Shopped a little. [ces and euns got "nerdy" glasses! haha]... [oh, and ces was seriously contemplating buying a phone! thank God, she resisted that temptation] Transferred to study at Serendra.

On our way to Bonifacio High St. parking, we saw that the oh-so-new Fully-Booked bldg had Starbucks on the 3rd floor with a balcony. And it closes at 12 midnight. Perfect. The night was turning out really nice.

It was my first time in the new Fully-Booked so I was impressed at the size of the store and the very "Fully-Booked" kind of lay-out. Loved it! *dancing around with glee* Reminded me of my National Bookstore heaven in Cubao. And this one is nearer and newer. I had to force myself to sit and study *sob sob* coz i really wanted to explore the place. [?wondering why all this time we never entered the building everytime we went to coffee bean?] We even met Ma'am Maita Chan-Gonzaga [surprisingly, we always see her at various Starbucks]. *wink wink*

Sadly, the clock struck 12 and the Cinderellas had to go home. But, we promised ourselves that we'd hang out and study there again soon. ;-)

Movie Marathon

2007-07-28T01:05:00.000+08:00

Thanx to my friends, this week I watched two movies - The Simpsons and Ratatouille.

I have always loved watching last full shows and this time was not an exception. Spontaneous, out of the blue moments like these last two nights are the "cherry on my cake" kind of happenings.

Thursday night was a blast. First because the Blue Eagles won against the Green Archers.(bleh! ;p) And we had class from 4pm-8pm but we got to watch the last 10 minutes of the game. Our very green-blooded professor finally realized that conducting recitation while in the last quarter of the game in a classroom of mixed die-hard greens and blues while the hallway right outside is packed with shouting fans is not such a good idea. So with a promised quiz on Tuesday, we were allowed to shout our hearts out while watching the game. Haha, it's a school holiday on Tuesday (Sir, naisahan namin kayo!). The school literally shook with the school cheers. I miss watching the dlsu-admu game live in araneta. I miss my heartbeat thudding in time to the drums.

To cap it off, we (Ces, Carlo, Eunice, Patty and I) decided to watch The Simpsons. High from the win, we laughed till our tummies hurt. The movie was a no-brainer and I was with the perfect people to watch it with. It was the perfect way to end the night.

Friday night was even better! After dinner, Ces decided not to go to a party she was planning to go to and invited us to watch Ratatouille. She hurriedly bought us tickets and managed to convince Ana to go with us. (Lakas talaga ng convincing powers ni Ces!) I'm so glad i got to watch Ratatouille with my friends! (Ana, Ces, Chinky and Hazel, thank you for a great night) I loved the movie. Pixar has proven once again that animation can be such a hit even among grown-ups. Plus, i love those mini-movies before the main show. I do have a favorite line in the movie:

Father: Where are you going?
Son: With luck, forward.

And so i end this night with a big smile on my face for an awesome week! I look forward to days like these.

Avilon Zoo Pictures

2007-07-25T00:38:00.001+08:00

Presenting the animals of Avilon Zoo...

Ibong Adarna

Meow meow

Ruf ruf [big bad dog with a strong bite]

Ugly Duckling

Sad-eyed agila

Ssscaaarrryyyy

Creepy Crawlers

Ssssss... Zzzzz...

Ninja Turtles

Turtle Island in NeverEnding Story aka Land Before Time

Reptile Island

Pong Pagong and friends

Bambi

Avilon Zoo

2007-07-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday was one of the best weekends of my life. I volunteered to be an "Ate" for a day to the kids of APS staff. We went to Avilon Zoo in Rizal and spent the day touring the oh-so-large-and-amazing zoo.
I was a little hesitant because i was out of practice in dealing with kids. Good thing my "kids" were wonderful, John Patrick [12] and John Prince[10]. My kids were pretty adventurous and we always got ahead of everyone else or got almost left behind.

My silly fears drowned the moment we saw the big fishes in the pond [really big koi-like fishes about 4-5ft long that happily scramble for raw chicken heads]. We saw hundreds of animals ranging from flyers, walkers, crawlers, swimmers, stalkers, meat-eaters, etc. We touched and petted "Narda" and the green parrot, hesitatingly held the yellow snake [eww, it was cold and scary], and secretly fed the big fishes with friend chicken until the water turned oily [whoops, konsentidora kasi ako]. Though we walked for 2 hours and slept through the ride home, we all enjoyed it, kids and kids-at-heart alike.

I miss the feeling of being "ate." I miss caring for someone younger who seems to need me. I miss being with kids. I miss Kaingin.

The Consultation

2007-07-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

I went in that consultation with a residue of that spine-tingling recit. Hence, I was my quirky self and I was in the mood to talk. The consultation was great! It was supposed to be for a Legal Counselling class which diverted into a thesis consult which diverted into a chikahan/asian drama discussion.
It made me think... If my prof was a few decades younger, he would have been a great kuya. I got off with a comment

Prof: That's good. Continue your childlike wonder.

Yipee!
I really enjoy one-on-one's... learn a lot and talk a lot. I'm not much of a party person or a big crowd social butterfly. Probably because my attention span compares to that of a fly. Plus, I tend to shift topics faster than a racer shifting gears. Haha! I like meeting new people, getting to know them and them getting to know me. Yay, today is such a wonderful wonderful [isa pa] wonderful day!

It's a different kind of high

2007-07-20T23:14:00.000+08:00

RECITATION.
As a student, I should have gotten used to it by now! I've been studying for 18 years. But I never have. I've always been terrified of public speaking. Always.
I remember standing in front of the whole grade school after being chosen to say the Lord's Prayer.

Joan: [anxiously waiting for the Lupang Hinirang to end] breathe in. breathe out.
[my turn to hold the microphone] Our Father... Our Father... Our Father who art in heaven... hik! [throat closes]

Same thing happened when I joined the Oration contest. I forgot the lines and had to stop for a long while. I repeated the whole thing. Aba, hindi pa talaga nagtanda, nag-join pa ulit. Extemporaneous speaking contest. Kamusta naman ang 3 sentences lang ang sinabi for 5 minutes! I kept paraphrasing the whole 3 sentences. The very recent "most embarassing" recit was the one in Intro to Law class. I got called to recite a case and I ended up repeating the case title thrice. That was as far as i got.

But today, I was so down [due to a bad recit yesterday where i got called to solve the a problem on the board] and I was waiting for a good recit. I love the anxiousness of waiting to be called. I fear it. I hate it. I crave it. The feeling of my stomach dropping to the floor, my heart at my throat, my thoughts free falling to blankness. The suspense of it all...

Joan: [explains in a very malumanay way] Hence, it cannot be done because the law is clear.
Prof: [looking skeptic]... That's a good answer.
Joan: [big audible sigh of relief] [sits down with a big smile and spine-tingling sensation]

After that, it took me 15 mins to stop shaking. It's a different kind of high, really.

I envy you...

2007-07-19T22:34:00.000+08:00

... you sleep peacefully without a care in the world. Curled up on a lazy afternoon, enjoying the breeze. You look so cute, all snuggled up. You sleep as if it's the only thing that matters. Deeply asleep. No worries, no pressure, no responsibilities. How i envy you.

The lazy cat lounging in the frontyard

Courage

2007-07-19T11:27:00.000+08:00

A friend finally had the courage to ask out a guy she likes! Yipee yay for her. We all gathered to give her moral support and await the guy's reply. We had different reactions to what she wanted to do. I wanted her to get it over and done with, but with a warning to make sure that she'd be okay with whatever the reply might be.

Message sent...

And the wait begins. We couldn't seem to concentrate on studying, checking on her every minute if the guy replied. She jokingly said, "Baka abutin ng 2 weeks bago mag-reply un."

1 Message received...

Okay. Okay!!! They're gonna try the whole dating thing for real. Double yipee yay for her!

I'm proud of her. She laid down her cards, threw her pride away, bared her feelings and was somehow rewarded. She took the first step. Now the journey begins... i can't wait to witness this adventure.

Tada, Kimi wo Aishiteru (I just love you)

2007-07-14T15:48:00.001+08:00

I love this one... My addiction at present.
Renai Shashin (photographs of love) by Ai Otsuka.
I admire this artist. great composer. lovely voice. beautiful music.
She also sang the main theme for Hana Yori Dango 1 entitled "Planetarium."
This one is the ending theme of the movie Heavenly Forest (Tada, Kimi wo Aishiteru) which stars Aoi Miyazaki and Hiroki Tamaki. It's an adaptation of Ichikawa Takuji's novel, Renai Shashin: Mou Hitotsu no Monogatari. Ichikawa Takuji also wrote Ima, Ai ni Yukimasu which was also made into a film entitled "Be With You." Both are touching love stories that ranked top in my favorite movies list.

Happy Birthday...

2007-07-14T15:48:00.000+08:00

... to my yaya, Tita Fel. I can never thank you enough. You may not be able to read this post but i still want to do this. My childhood would have been lonely without you. Thank you. You have been a constant companion. my best friend. my secret-keeper. my confidant. my adviser. my mom. my roommate. my scapegoat. my cook. my yaya. You are one of the reasons why I can't stand not being able to go back home during school breaks. I appreciate everything you've done for me.

Pseudo fiction

2007-07-14T15:06:00.000+08:00

Look back, she thought.

Call out my name, he thought.

The silence was deafening, broken only by the sound his footsteps. He took one step. One step towards the door. One step farther from her. Two. Three.

It was a game they played. How far can he go without looking back, without missing a step. How far can she let him go without her asking him to say, without her calling his name.

He was at the door, reaching for the handle.

Dammit, stay, she wanted to say.

He sighed. She held her breath.

“I’m leaving,” he said without turning back. The knob clicked as he opened the door.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Tears started to cloud her vision.

“I know. I am, too.”

With that he left. He left her. The room smelled of sun-kissed flowers.

Damn her pride. Damn his weakness. Damn it all, love is bittersweet.

Balik Aral

2007-07-14T14:59:00.000+08:00

Back to school na!!! I'm pretty excited for this sem... New sem, new issues.

I miss my friends. I miss going to class. I miss the panic and cramming moments of recitation. I miss the chills-running-down-my-spine and OMG-i'm-gonna-get-called recits moments. I miss the fun of being in law school.

Now, I'm experiencing it all over again... this time, I'm older [hopefully, wiser]... this time, I'm gonna have fun!

Belated Happy Birthday to Ces! [July 7, 2007] the magical day

Enchanted Kingdom

2007-07-14T14:16:00.000+08:00

Clockwise: Me, MZH, Ana, RRR, MMB, PMR [pasaway], MDM, and Kinka

Saturday May 5, 2007

EK day. My first ever trip to EK.
Si Ana ang ganda talaga, ganito ung usapan naming…

Ana: Joan, sumabay ka na sa akin papuntang EK, magdadala ako ng car kasi uwi akong Cavite.

Joan: Okei, cge. Sabay tayong pumunta. [then realizes something] Teka, paano pauwi?

Ana: [naka-smile] Uwi na ako after. Sumabay ka na lang sa van.

Magaling! Cute talaga ni Ana ano.

I rode with Ana going to EK, she fetched me from my dorm. Dahil mga pasaway [late na!], we left before 11am so we can get there by lunch. As it turned out, we were late for the free lunch anyway. But we were reimbursed for our lunch so okei lang.

We wandered around, looking for air-conditioned places to escape the after lunch heat. We met our non-legal staff looking around as well. Everyone seems to be having fun... Finally, we met up with the “singles” group of lawyers – MZH, MDM, RRR, PMR, and Kinka [sana tama ung spelling]. We lined up for rides and tried not to throw up. =) I didn’t dare ride Anchor’s Away, Space Shuttle, and the super slow rides that will more likely draggingly drug me to sleep. In between rides, we ate at different joints and drank shakes, sodas, and water.

The really fun part was riding the Rio Grande TWICE. Once just wasn’t enough. MMB joined us and formed a team of 8, perfect for the Rio Grande ride. I wasn’t entirely wet on the first go and we decided to test the “seat” theory. We switched places and went for the second ride. I gave my bag to MZH so it wouldn’t get wet [just in case I’d be the one under the falls] but, nooooo, MZH and I were both drenched by the waterfalls [kamusta naman ang pagsalo sa lahat ng tubig sa falls?!]

It was an amazingly fun day. It made me want to go back and try the other rides. I wasn’t even car sick!

I ended up going back to Makati with the singles group [thank you to MZH, MDM and RRR for the ride back] and had more fun during the ride talking about pre-law and law school. I’m glad I decided to go.

The first Rio Grande ride... notice, tuyo pa mga damit namin. Walang kamalay-malay

While waiting for our turn... picture picture!

The Intern

2007-07-14T14:04:00.000+08:00

Every Friday, we have a luncheon with all the lawyers in the firm. This Friday [May 4], the conference room was jam-packed with partners, associates and we, interns, get to join them. We were eating our food (delicious, by the way!) and the conversation was flowing when out of the blue, I was put on the spot.

One partner said: “Sige nga, let’s test their knowledge. Joan, if the BSP buys silver, what is the tax rate?”

PAKSHET! After overhearing the murmurs of the associates beside me, I blurted out: “Sir, di po ba gold ung binibili ng BSP?”

Partner: “o, yan, alam nga nila eh.” PAKSHET talaga!

The rest of the meal was wonderful, plus, all the cute associates were there! ^_^

Korean movie

2007-04-09T23:49:00.000+08:00

memorable lines from a Korean movie entitled "200 pounds of beauty"

"You broke my heart. Tissue won't fix it."
"God is the only one who can do everything. We humans do what we're capable of."

A: What do you like about her?
B: I don't know.
A: Because she's pretty?
B: Assholes like you would say so.
A: Because she's innocent?
B: Assholes like me would say so.

In My Playlist - Japanese Music

2007-04-09T01:43:00.000+08:00

Japanese rock music.
L'Arc En Ciel. Gackt. Malice Mizer. Glay. Miyavi. Gazette. Kaggra. Dir En Grey.
Here's a picture of Hyde (vocalist of L'Arc En Ciel) -->
Japanese female singers.
Utada Hikaru. Mika Nakashima. Angela Aki. Ayumi Hamasaki. Yuna Ito. Anna Tsuchiya. Olivia. Kawabe Chieco. Ai Otsuka. Bonnie Pink.
Japanese pop music.
V6. Arashi. Kat-tun. NewS. midnight Pumpkin.
~All the amazing songs in the intro and ending of animes. Listening to the music even if i don't understand the lyrics makes it less distracting. I actually get to hear the beauty of the song. The head-banging drums, the awesome guitar solos, the vocal range, and the other instruments that make them so unique. It doesn't hurt that some of them feature really kawaii (cute) musicians.

Interesting Something

2007-04-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

I was reading the Philippine Daily Inquirer earlier when this caught my eye. It's from an article by Gilda Cordero-Fernando entitled "Enjoy, be Pinoy; bahala na si Batman."

Born June 12, 1896, the Republic of the RP is a Gemini, good at connecting, good at loving-loving, good at texting and interpersonal skills.
Filipinos like to yakap, akbay, hawak, kalong, kalabit. We sleep side by side, siping-siping, we go out kabit kabit.
There's lots of us to go around. Someone always to listen to a sob story, even in a jeepney, to share-a-load or to share a TV.
***
Linguist
The Pinoy is a linguist. As in. As if. For a while. Open the light. Close the light. Paki ganyan naman ang kuwan sa ano. Tuck in. Tuck out. Don't be high blood. If you're ready na, I'll pass for you.
Hayop; Hanep! Bongga ka 'day, feel na feel kita, kilig to the bones ako. Don't make wala, don't make tampo. Taralets na, babes, let's go, nababato na ang syota mo.
I'm inviting you to my party, please RSVP. Oo means "yes" or "maybe," or "yes of you insist," or "maybe if it doesn't rain."
"Yes" is also a nice way of saying "no." Yes, hindi kita sisiputin. "No," eto na ako at ang barkada ko. Please don't ask a Pinoy a question like that!
Just flows
She's not so exact, not so chop-chop, she just flows, and flows, Filipino time? Naku, huli din naman ang Kano!
The Pinoy finds time to be nice, to be kind, to apologize, to be there when you're depressed, to help you with your utang and your wedding dress.
The Filipino is a giver, never mind what it does to his liver, never mind what it takes. Hardships of the Third World don't dry up his blood, they just make him more compassionate, more feeling, of the other guy's lot.
Note that the maid sends all her wages home to ailing daddy. She is the OCW whose labor of loneliness created the original katas ng Saudi.
'Bahala na'
The Filipino is fearless, bahala na si Batman, which actually means Bathala na or "leave all to God." Okay lang if I die by bitay, okay lang if I live, okay lang if I survive by the skin of my teeth.
Saway ni Inay: Di ka naman Bill Gates, di ka naman French, mahirap nang magbuhat ng sarili mong bench.
Be Pinoy! Enjoy!

O, ha, Pinoy na Pinoy!

Dare mo Shiranai aka Nobody Knows

2007-04-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

I've just watched "Nobody Knows," a highly-acclaimed Japanese movie released in 2004 which was based on a true story. It's a story about four siblings abandoned by their mother. The children all have different fathers and have never been to school. The very existence of three of them has been hidden from the landlord. The mother leaves behind a little money and a note, charging her oldest boy to look after the others. And so begins the children's odyssey, a journey nobody knows. Akira, the eldest, was played by Yuya Yagira, who is the youngest to win the Best Actor award in Cannes Film Festival. For a better synopsis of the film: http://www.popmatters.com/film/reviews/n/nobody-knows.shtml

It made me appreciate how much my family means to me, the simple joys of everyday life, and seeing the world through the eyes of a child. It was a depressing film but it was one of those art films that I love watching. Thanks to Fr. Nick Cruz, SJ (I never regretted signing up for his class), my love for art films has never waned although I've gone from European to Asian art films nowadays.

One Perfect Day by Adrienne Pierce

2007-04-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

» More music from this artist ...

I don't know you
Not sure I want to
You're far away, so far, so far
My resistance, it's the distance
I am far away, so far, so far

Just one day, it's over

CHORUS:
One, one perfect day
Let's keep, keep it that way
It probably wouldn't have worked out anyway
One, one perfect day
Let's keep, keep it that way
We probably wouldn't have got along anyway
Anyway

Stand on the star and close eyes, close
turn around, turn around till you fall down
Stand on the star, and close your eyes
are we getting closer
to the ground

Just one day, it's over

CHORUS

But I'll keep you still, still I will
I'll keep you still
Like a photograph, like a photograph I will
I will keep you still

We talked and on and on never wondering why
on the lawn until dawn staring up at the sky
And our mouths they were moving, our minds they were kissing
You smiled and said it is what you had been missing

I'll close my eyes, tell me pretty lies
Oh I won't speak
No, I won't say a word
I'll close my eyes, tell me pretty lies
cause when I speak the lines, the lines get blurred

CHORUS

Siopao Shape

2007-04-06T02:34:00.000+08:00

Haha, Ana, sorry, i just have to post this.

Ang portable UFO ni Ana aka light fixture

Bumili si Ana ng light fixture sa mall para sa bahay nilang newly renovated at sabi niya ay foldable naman daw ang ilaw. But no! It turned out, hindi po siya foldable, gawa siya sa bakal at ang pinakamasaya sa lahat, siopao-shaped siya. Oo, siopao-shaped talaga ang tawag sa kanya sa narinig kong sinabi salesman. Isa siyang malaking siopao-shaped na ilaw na pwedeng i-hang sa ceiling ng bahay. At dahil sa laki ng ilaw, walang mapagkakasiyang karton at nakaplastic-wrap na lang siyang bitbit ni Ana mula sa mall. Take note, hindi lang siya mabigat kundi ubod pa ng laki (chest-high at mas malapad pa sa amin). At balak pang i-hand carry ni Ana kinabukasan.

Ana: i-hahand carry ko na lang to. pwede naman siguro na sa first row ako uupo at sa harap ko na lang ilalagay.
Joan: huh? di talaga pwede un. masikip sa loob ng eroplano at hindi magkakasya yan sa overhead bin o kahit sa harap pa.
Ana: hindi, pwede yan.
Joan: naku, baka makita mo na lang gumugulong yan sa loob ng eroplano!

Nang nagbalak umuwi, mahaba ang pila sa taxi stand at ma-traffic sa rockwell drive kaya naisipan ni Ana na lakarin mula sa mall hanggang sa dorm nila akay-akay ang naturang ilaw. Pagdating sa Gabaldon, nakaharang ang mga tao sa pag-abang sa prosesyon kaya kinailangan naming umikot para umiwas sa prosesyon. Pagdating sa dorm ni Ana, ayun, napagod na sa kakabitbit ng malaking siopao.

Hindi pa doon nagtatapos ang adventure ng siopao-shaped light. Kinabukasan, nagpahatid si Ana sa airport dahil mahirap nga namang mag-travel mag-isa kasama ang nasabing ilaw. Sinundo kami ni Melody (at nakakahiya talaga dahil buong pamilya ni Mel ang sumundo at naghatid sa amin sa airport) sa kanto ng P. Burgos at kinailangan isakay ang siopao-shaped ilaw. At dahil sa laki, hindi nagkasya sa likod ang siopao-shaped ilaw at kinailangan siyang kandungin ni Ana.

Pagdating sa airport, nagtaka ang mga kapwa pasahero at security guard na siguro ay hindi pa nakakakita ng siopao-shaped ilaw (portable UFO ika nga ni Ana) na bitbit papasok sa check-in counter at hindi nagkasya sa x-ray conveyor belt. Kinalaunan, naipasok na rin sa wakas at na-i-check in sa counter (dahil hindi nga pwedeng i-hand carry) ang portable UFO.

Finally, finals are over

2007-04-06T02:10:00.000+08:00

Out of sheer boredom, I went to Starbucks, Rockwell Drive. I walked straight to Eunice's spot and stopped short. Uh-oh, I forgot. School has ended. Absentmindedly, I was expecting to see my friends at our usual spot. It's kind of weird, not spending my nights studying, cramming, reading the horoscope. Huh, summer hasn't dawned on me yet.

Friends, i'll miss our Starbucks nights this summer. I promise i'll keep reading our horoscopes and try to solve the crossword puzzles.